The MommyRoo Blog

As a new mom, I’m quite excited to begin to introduce the things I loved as a child to my daughter.  One of these things is, of course, the infamous Disney classics.  Over Labor Day weekend, I was especially excited when Comcast On Demand was doing a promo for their new Disney subscription and were showcasing Tarzan, 101 Dalmations, and Mary Poppins.  I chose to watch Tarzan and 101 Dalmations over the weekend.

I still thought these were good movies, but I noticed a few things about them that got me thinking.  1) These were violent movies.  Especially 101 Dalmations.  They are not only trying to kidnap the puppies, but they are also trying to kill and skin the puppies.  That’s horrible!  I don’t want to explain to my daughter what it means to “off” a puppy!  2) Why the heck do 99% of Disney characters not have both parents.  Most of the time, the mother has been killed or died somehow and the father independently raises the child.  Or, somehow, the child is orphaned or runs away.

I was reading something that said Disney movies are the way they are because they are written after old folk tales which were written during a time where children were often motherless.  While this makes sense, haven’t there been other good children’s stories written since way back in the day?  Maybe one’s that teach good morals, don’t have bad guys that would scare me to this day, and have both parent’s?

On the other hand, I watched Disney movies as a child.  I loved them and I still do like them.  Somehow, I’ve managed to end up as, what I would consider, a decent person.  I’m pretty sure watching Disney movies as a child didn’t scar me into being a horrible adult.

So, what do you think?  Are Disney movies too “bad” to let our children watch?  Or do they actually teach us good moral values and add some character to our kids?

I remember a few years ago, when people would meet me, they would wonder why I was so happy.  I would simply give them the explanation that I was high on life.  And it was true.  I was one of those people that “The Secret” wasn’t so much a secret and it was just the way I lived my life.  Somehow, over time, I stopped being that super happy person…at least on the inside.  I’m not sure what changed.  I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression for years now, but I would always come back to that happy little bubble…until my bubble popped.  I got into a rut and what I realized was most likely my quarter life crisis, hence the name for my blog.  My extreme happiness seemed to turn into extreme self-doubt and not knowing if I was heading in the right direction with my life, and at the same time not knowing where that direction was leading me.  It doesn’t help that I’m also a control freak, so I’d like to be able to lay the foundation for my road of life with my bare hands.  Over the last few years, I’ve given up my previous outlook that my road was already laid down for me if I’d just follow it.

Since I wasn’t figuring out were my road was taking me as far as a dream career that could make me enough money to buy a small island, a small part of me was thinking that having a baby could perhaps fill that that void - maybe my purpose in life wasn’t to have the best career or nice things, but to be a mother.  I have a perfect husband, so what more could life bring me than a baby with him?  But after I got pregnant, that drastically changed when I became severely depressed and wondered why I was alive at all.  Maybe I wasn’t meant to have a road in life at all and I was simply at a dead end.  Thankfully, I kept with the pregnancy, I kept with my job, and all has turned out in the end.

I feel that since I’ve had Cicely, I’m now leaving my quarter life crisis.  My controlling nature is starting to ease up and I’m starting to find the happy place where I used to reside.  I think it’s my daughter that is paving my path in life and I need to re-learn to follow it.  It is true that you can love a baby more than you’ve ever known you could love anything.  I actually feel that maybe I was right.  Maybe my current plan in life isn’t to conquer the world, but to raise my daughter and be the best mom and wife I can be.  And I think I’m ok with that.  Sure, I’d like to own my small island one day, but right now, I have better things to worry about - like why Cicely spits up entirely more for me than for Jason…hmmm.

With that said, I think I’m going to switch over my blog.  I’d like to exit my quarter-life crisis and shut the door behind me.  It’s a new chapter, a new day, and a reclaimed sense of happiness.

Old self - I missed you.  New self - welcome to the world of being a mom.  So far, it’s worth every sleepless night.  And husband, family, and friends - thanks for not forgetting the old self was there all along.

Before I became pregnant, I didn’t realize the copious amount of decisions one must make during and for after their pregnancy.  Now that I am nearly finished being pregnant, I’m astounded at all of the decisions I (Jason and I) have made…or am still making.   Here is a list of 19 (I seriously couldn’t think of 20) - in no random order.

1.  What’s in a name?  I still have yet to completely decide on a name for baby girl Tiemann.  I think we have settled on one, but I just refuse to make the decision until I see her tiny little face! 

2.  The car seat.  I found a car seat that I loved…minus the fact that I couldn’t get the handle on it to move without the strength of Goliath.  Stupid Baby Trend!  We settled for an Evenflo, since it has the Z handle and my arms are shaped funny so I can’t use the typical straight handle comfortably.  It better keep our munchkin safe is all I have to say!

3. Bedding.  This is an important decision to me.  Not that she’ll even use it, but it gives her room a theme.  We went with antique roses.  She better love it!

4. Bedroom Color.  To go along with the bedding, you have to pick which color to paint the room.  We went with a nice shade of green.  Hopefully, she finds it calming. 

5. Feeding.  To breastfeed or not to breastfeed?  I wasn’t going to breastfeed for several reasons.  1) I’m on anti-depressants. 2) It’s always kind of grossed me out.  3) The last 2 generations of women on my side of the family have not breastfed. 4) I didn’t know anything about it really.  Despite all of this, I’ve decided to give it a go.  1) I’ve talked to a few Dr.’s who don’t seem to think the medication I’m on is going to be bad for the baby while breastfeeding.  2) It finally doesn’t really gross me out. 3) I’m changing my family’s trends.  4) I’ve done some more research on it and feel like I’d like to see what all the hype is about…besides the factual benefits of it, of course.

6. Bottles.  If/when I end up using bottles, I don’t want my baby to get all gassy and crabby.  So I did some reviews.  We ended up getting the Playtex Drop-In system.  I’d also like to try MAM, but haven’t found any in stores, yet.  I hope they keep her bowels in check.

7.  Pacifiers.  Although my mother is hard core against pacifiers, I am for them.  Not only do they help prevent SIDS, but since I didn’t use a pacifier as a baby, I sucked my thumb until I was 7 and had an awful callus from it.  Binky it is.

8. OB or Midwife?  We started out with a midwife and although we were really happy with our decision and the “natural” way to have a baby, due to my getting put on medication, we switched to an OB.  In retrospect, I’m glad we made the change.  Now, if medical intervention does become necessary (and I stress necessary…not optional), we’ll be in a hospital and can easily get it.

9. Vaccines.  This is a huge topic of conversation, lately.  It’s on TV shows, it’s all over the web, and it’s an important decision that each new parent must make.  We’ve decided we are for them…partially.  Meaning, she will get the ones we feel are necessary, but we’d like to space them out a bit more than the normal “schedule” due to all the hype about the Autism business.  I don’t see a need to give her 9 shots in a day.  I do see the need to keep her as healthy as I can in whatever way possible.  Hopefully, we’re making the right decision on this one.

10. Pediatrician.  Not only do you have to find a good Dr. when you become pregnant, but you also have to find one for your baby.  We don’t have a lot of options where we live in town, so we’re going with the Pediatricians office most people here go with.  We interviewed one in their clinic and he was ok.  I’m hoping there is one there we fall in love with.

11.  Daycare.  Although I absolutely hate the fact that my baby is going to have to be put in daycare since we can’t afford for me to stay home with her, I think we’ve found a daycare that we’re happy with.  Important decision to make when they will see your baby nearly as much as you will during the work week.

12. Cord Blood. We’re opting out of this one.  1) It costs a crap-ton.  2) It can generally only be used on siblings.  Perhaps next time…

13. Epidural.  Since we’ve wanted to go with a “natural” birth, meaning no medication…I’m going to try not to have one.  We’ll see how that goes.

14. Cutting costs.  Babies are expensive and because of this, we’ve had to figure out where to cut some expenses.  I now don’t eat out for lunch every day, I’m temporarily not paying my student loans, we’re paying our mortgage on a different schedule, and we’re rearranging who pays which bills.  I’m hoping these changes will allow for the additional $1200 a month or so baby is going to cost us.  Ouch!  Otherwise…Comcast and Verizon Wireless are next! And I may see if Jason is game for becoming a male prostitute.  Love you, hunny! 

15. Who gets to be in the room during the delivery.  Personally, I don’t want an entourage watching a baby come out of my vajayjay or me making a fool of myself while in pain.  Jason will obviously be allowed and since my mother most likely won’t be in town yet, Jason’s mother will most likely be there for back-up.  Guest list complete.

16. Baby sleeping in bed.  Although I would love for baby to begin sleeping in her crib immediately, I know my newness at being a mom won’t allow it.  So we got a little co-sleeper to go in the bed, since our bed is huge and I want to try breastfeeding.  We may end up with a bassinette to go next to the bed instead.  We’ll see.  Either way, I only want her in the room with us for 3 months tops, so hopefully we can transition her into her room with not too much of a struggle.  Hopefully…  Besides, she needs to enjoy her green and antique rose theme darn it!

17.  Stroller.  Travel system or not?  We decided not.  We bought a shell of a stroller that our carseat will fit in.  For starters, travel systems are really heavy and I have the strength of a tiny child.  Not to mention they take up your entire trunk.  Where the heck am I supposed to put groceries?  Also, by the time they are large enough to fit in the “big” stroller, they are also large enough to fit in an umbrella stroller, which weighs about a pound and is much easier to tote…and less expensive.

18.  Baby Registry.  Jason and I had a lot of fun dragging Corrie with us to register for baby.  We scanned a freakin’ ton of items and then I went home and compared reviews on them and made my final decisions.  Although fun…it’s a big decision figuring out what necessities and fun trinkets you want or think you need for baby.

19. Boy or Girl.  This one was a no brainer.  We wanted to know.  They just don’t make enough gender neutral stuff right now and I’m a control freak.  Girl it is!

That’s all the good ones I can think of for now.  If I come up with any more, I’ll add them to the list.  I’m sure there are a slew of them!  So if you’re about to get pregnant or are pregnant, good luck and be prepared to be decisive.  You’re going to need to be!  This isn’t even including the list of all of the random stuff I’ve learned since being pregnant.  That would end up being a novel.

As a quick note, to anyone who follows my blog, I found out yesterday that my grandpa I visited back in July, passed away last night.  Although I’m obviously sad about this, our family seems to be doing well about the situation all in all.  I think we’re all a bit relieved, to be honest.  His dementia was terrible and he hasn’t been the grandpa we’ve all known and loved for quite some time now.  He’s not suffering anymore and he’s not in pain.  He will definitely be missed, since he was an amazing man with an unbelievable soul.  RIP, Grandpa Hirr.

Being that I work for web design company, I’m continually glued to the internet for 40 hours of my week.  Not to mention, when I go home, I also check my usual myspace, facebook, and two email accounts.  I’m on instant messenger all day long at work with my co-workers.  It’s a common topic at Zipline to discuss social networking.  Clients often bring it up in meetings and the owners of the company also try to keep as much in the know as they can about the topic.  Did I mention I’m also part of Linked In and Launchpad NW (work related social networking companies) along with my blog, of course.  The amount of times the words myspace, facebook, twitter, blog, and other various techy terms come up throughout the workday is quite astounding, actually.  This has led me to ask the question, “When is social networking just too much?”  The fact that I can keep in touch with long lost friends (most of whom I’m aquaintances with or barely know)  is great and all, but knowing the amount of time of my life it consumes sometimes makes me wonder if it’s all just too much.

Lately, I have a few predicaments with social networking:

1) I hate having to update my mypace and facebook with the same information.  Pictures take a while to upload and it’s annoying.  Usually, I just do myspace and don’t bother with facebook, even though I have more “friends” on facebook.  I just don’t have enough hours in my day to keep everyone updated on every site every day.  Which brings me to my current argument about Twitter.

2) If you’re not familiar with Twitter, it’s basically a constant status updater feed so you can continually update your status and view your friends’ statuses with a continually auto-updating feed.  I find this to just be ridiculous.  Both of my bosses are on Twitter, but I just can’t bring myself to join.  I really don’t care if you’re going pee, or eating lunch, or heading to a meeting, or pissed off about your day.  Call me heartless, but I don’t.  It’s just too much information.  If I wanted to know that badly what you were up to…I still do have a good old fashion cell phone (no…it’s purposely not an iPhone).  I’ll call you.  Or I can always use the backup plan on stalking you through your myspace or facebook account.

3) How do you keep your personal life and your professional life separate in the world of social media?  Lately, a few of my clients have added me as facebook friends.  Although flattering that they would consider me a web “friend”, how do you draw the line between personal and professional? There are some things that I’m fine sharing with my friends, even aquaintances, but I worry that if I share them and a client sees them, will it cause awkwardness in our working relationship?  So how do you resolve this?  I can’t necessarily not add them, because then I’m rude.  But does it mean that now I can’t post personal things about myself?  Or do I just continue posting as normal and hope my clients don’t think any less about me?

4)  When does it become too much?  Unfortunately, part of me thinks it already has.  I mean, the fact that I have a blog, in and of itself has to say something.  I have succumbed to the social networking cult.  I can’t tell you that I’m not addicted to my myspace and facebook accounts.  After all, I did meet my husband on myspace.  If social networking is already taking up this much of my time, though…how is it going to evolve within the next few years, let alone when my kids are my age.  Perhaps by then, there will be no need to physically talk to anyone at all.

Anyway, I thought I would just post about this, because it’s been annoying me for some time now and even though I don’t have an answer to the problem, it sure makes a girl go “hmmm….”

In just under a short three months or so, Jason and I are going to be welcoming our first baby.  In preparation for the busyness and chaos I’ve so often heard comes along with having a baby, I’ve decided to find something I enjoy and take some time for myself.  I did some research and found a local non-profit community tv station and decided to volunteer there.  I went for the first time this week and began editing a PSA for a local non-profit.  It was a lot of fun, actually.  It gave me something I enjoy doing by letting get back into production a bit, but without the stress of clients and deadlines (which are both rare to find in the world of production).  I even learned a cool new editing trick that I hadn’t learned before, which made my time there even more worth while.  It’s giving me a chance to do something, which hopefully helps out the community, but also helps me out by giving me a little bit of me time.

During my days off over the Christmas holiday I decided to go through some of my old paperwork from when I was in school and organize it.  I had a few pages left in a scrapbook to post some things in and I was on a mission to finish it.  I ended up finding way too much stuff to put in the scrapbook, but I did find something in the meantime.  I found an answer to a question I’ve been asking myself for some time now.  Why do I feel so unfulfilled at a job, even if I really like the job?  The answer to this question is simple, I just hadn’t realized it until now.  Because all through my schooling years I was one of those kids that got award after award after award for one thing or another, no matter how small it was.  As I got older I got scholarships and as I got more involved in activities, I got newspaper releases written about me.  As I was sorting through my old memories, I found tons of warm fuzzies all for me.  It was then that it hit me.  Once you make the transition from school into the real world, your warm fuzzies and congratulatory paperwork magically seem to come to a screeching halt.  Instead, they are replaced with complaining clients and a simple piece of paper every few weeks I like to call a pay check.  Although a paycheck is rewarding, it’s not the same as the accolades of kudos I’ve kept for myself for years past.  After all, my award certificates don’t pay my bills.  It was a helpful realization - to realize that maybe work can be fulfilling.  You just have to make it fulfilling in other ways than mounds of old memories and 8 1/2 x 11 sheets of certificate papers.

Today was an exciting day.  Not only because it’s my birthday, but also because of the recent presidential election and Barak Obama winning.  I voted for Obama, but even if McCain had won, I still would have been ok with it, because it’s still a new outlook on our country and glimpse of hope for us and for people around the world that we affect.  I think today says something about our country.  It displays the leaps and bounds our country has made within the last several decades in the fight for equality.  Not just for African-Americans, but for women, for the working class, and for anyone else who has been oppressed in our country.  This election was monumental, not only because we elected a black president, but because women were running for president and taken (relatively) seriously.  It was big step for us as a country.  It’s not every day that I am proud to be an American, because of what we’ve done.  But today, I can say…I am proud to be an American and I’m hoping and praying that Obama will bring us all the change for the better he promised us he would bring.

Well, it’s been a good few weeks since I’ve had what I consider a good day.  They seem to be few and far between lately, but I was excited that I’ve been able to squeeze one in today.

Over the weekend I upped my dose of Wellbutrin (as my Dr. told me to) and I don’t think my body liked it very much.  So I was back to throwing up on Saturday, half recovering from throwing up on Sunday, then Monday I got some nasty side effects from the Wellbutrin (my heart seriously felt like it was getting squeezed, I couldn’t see straight, I couldn’t focus, I couldn’t stop shaking…it was a freakin mess).  So I called the Dr. and left a voice mail, which they didn’t respond to and I’m bitter about.  I then called trusty Walgreens and the nice pharmacist told me to just go back to taking one pill, which I did.  I’m feeling better now.

Oh and yesterday I actually felt pretty good, but I got my ass chewed out at work by a client (the best part was he would apologize before being an ass).  This pissed me off, because I actually felt good and then an effing client got all up in my face.  Grrr…I hate freaking obnoxious clients.  Thanks for ruining my good day.

Today I got a decent amount of stuff figured out at work, came home, went to the grocery store with my bro, actually ate a delicious dinner (marinated salmon, asparagus, brown rice, and salad…yum), got the pumpkin seeds ready, and now am writing my post while they are cooking away upstairs.  The best part is I was able to actually eat my entire dinner without feeling like it was going to come back and attack me.  Gotta love being pregnant.

All I have to do for the rest of the day is vote for the next president.  Easy, but important task.  It’s been a good day.

It’s been nearly 4 months since I last wrote a blog on here and I thought it was about time I did.  A lot has been happening in the last 4 months.  A lot.

The first major news story is my announcement that Jason and I are expecting our first baby on April 9th, 2009.  He is very excited, but I’ve been having a much harder time with the whole idea.  It has been a very rough few months.  I wanted to have a baby and this was something that Jason and I did discuss, so I guess you could say it was a planned pregnancy.  But when it came down to it and I found out I was actually pregnant, I just am not sure how I feel about it.  A part of me is excited, but more of me is just scared, anxious, and a whole other slew of emotions I can’t quite find the words for.

The pregnancy has also brought along a lot of hormone changes, and being that I just weaned off of Paxil 6 months ago, I’m not sure that my body knows what to do with them.  So instead of being excited, my depression and anxiety have come back, but worse than ever this time around.  I’ve seen several doctors about this and after literally months of consideration I’ve decided to get back on medication.

I can’t explain how hard this decision has been for me.  I’ve heard the horror stories of babies coming out and going through withdrawal.  But right now, my baby’s mom can’t handle it.  I’m exhausted.  I wake up some mornings just shaking and crying because I know I have to go to work and get through the day.  I’m not as excited about the idea of having a baby as I always anticipated I would be.  My thoughts consume me and I can’t escape them running through my head over and over again and drowning me with anxiety and guilt.

Part of me is disappointed in myself for getting off of the Paxil and now caving and getting on a new medication.  I feel like I let myself down in a big way and am wondering why I couldn’t just get through it on my own.  But another part of me is realizing that I can’t get through it on my own and when 5 doctors and most people in your life tell you it’s something to strongly consider, I think I need to take a step back and listen.  So I took my first pill last night and I’m hoping that soon enough I’ll be back to normal.

Jason and I had decided we wanted to have the baby through a midwifery.  We found one we love and have been to a few appointments.  But because of my depression, I think we are going to switch to an OBGYN so they can monitor my medicine intake and how I’m doing more thoroughly.  We met with one yesterday and we really liked him, and I have a girlfriend who also saw him with her baby, so I feel confident in our decision.  He prescribed me my new medication, so I feel like we’re in good hands.  He also wants me to see my therapist more often than I currently am, which hopefully will also help me out.  We are still hoping that I can take Bradley classes through the midwifery, however, so we can have the most natural birth we can.

So that’s pretty much it.  I’m pregnant and having a hard time, but getting help for it.  Hopefully things will all work out and soon enough I’ll be the glowing pregnant woman I always hoped to be.  I just want to be the best mom I can be to our baby and I’m hoping I’ve made the right decision.  I’ve had a great support system through all of this and can’t thank my family and my friends who know what I’ve been dealing with enough for trying to help.

I’m going to try to use my blog to keep everyone more updated on how the pregnancy is going, any major appointments we have, any big news we have to share, and of course for my normal ranting and ravings.

I hope to be writing more soon…