The MommyRoo Blog

I remember a few years ago, when people would meet me, they would wonder why I was so happy.  I would simply give them the explanation that I was high on life.  And it was true.  I was one of those people that “The Secret” wasn’t so much a secret and it was just the way I lived my life.  Somehow, over time, I stopped being that super happy person…at least on the inside.  I’m not sure what changed.  I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression for years now, but I would always come back to that happy little bubble…until my bubble popped.  I got into a rut and what I realized was most likely my quarter life crisis, hence the name for my blog.  My extreme happiness seemed to turn into extreme self-doubt and not knowing if I was heading in the right direction with my life, and at the same time not knowing where that direction was leading me.  It doesn’t help that I’m also a control freak, so I’d like to be able to lay the foundation for my road of life with my bare hands.  Over the last few years, I’ve given up my previous outlook that my road was already laid down for me if I’d just follow it.

Since I wasn’t figuring out were my road was taking me as far as a dream career that could make me enough money to buy a small island, a small part of me was thinking that having a baby could perhaps fill that that void - maybe my purpose in life wasn’t to have the best career or nice things, but to be a mother.  I have a perfect husband, so what more could life bring me than a baby with him?  But after I got pregnant, that drastically changed when I became severely depressed and wondered why I was alive at all.  Maybe I wasn’t meant to have a road in life at all and I was simply at a dead end.  Thankfully, I kept with the pregnancy, I kept with my job, and all has turned out in the end.

I feel that since I’ve had Cicely, I’m now leaving my quarter life crisis.  My controlling nature is starting to ease up and I’m starting to find the happy place where I used to reside.  I think it’s my daughter that is paving my path in life and I need to re-learn to follow it.  It is true that you can love a baby more than you’ve ever known you could love anything.  I actually feel that maybe I was right.  Maybe my current plan in life isn’t to conquer the world, but to raise my daughter and be the best mom and wife I can be.  And I think I’m ok with that.  Sure, I’d like to own my small island one day, but right now, I have better things to worry about - like why Cicely spits up entirely more for me than for Jason…hmmm.

With that said, I think I’m going to switch over my blog.  I’d like to exit my quarter-life crisis and shut the door behind me.  It’s a new chapter, a new day, and a reclaimed sense of happiness.

Old self - I missed you.  New self - welcome to the world of being a mom.  So far, it’s worth every sleepless night.  And husband, family, and friends - thanks for not forgetting the old self was there all along.